With each pre-term labor scare (and I had several), I would be up all night thinking, “I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this.” Feeling thankful when labor stopped by the morning, only to be frustrated that I was still pregnant for another day.
By 39 weeks, I began to wonder if she was ever going to come out. I was so done with being pregnant, and eager to meet my daughter, but scared.
As long as she is inside she is safe and happy. Everything is ok. Everything seems “normal.” But once she is born everything changes.
I went into labor with mixed feelings.
Each contraction bringing us closer to birth. To the moment we find out.
With each push, wondering: Will she be ok? How bad is it? How long will we have to stay in the NICU?
Feeling intense pain, stretching, pulling.
Her head is out, but all is silent.
My heart drops. Time stands still.
Another contraction, the baby is born.
Labor is over! But is she going to be ok?
Suddenly, a screaming, squirming baby is placed in my arms.
Is this really my baby?
She is ok? She is breathing?
She is really ok. I get to hold her.
Are you sure she is ok?
It’s always a special moment when that new baby is placed in Mama’s arms. It’s the “normal” birth experience I took for granted the first time around. When I didn’t expect to be able hold the baby, but then everything is ok. That moment is a million times more special.
I felt that same overwhelming love every morning walking into the NICU, and seeing my precious baby. Everyday filled with amazement and thankfulness for the miracle of our daughter.