In a world that ranks kids by grades, likes, and labels…
Compassionate Friends whispers a different truth.

Every child deserves to know they are loved.
Not because of what they do, but because of who they are.

Compassionate Friends helps families, teachers and therapists,
start conversations about differences, kindness,
and what it looks like to treat others the way you want to be treated.

Compassionate Friends is an inspiring story for children
and an empowering reminder for grown-ups that…
~ You don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
~ You don’t have to change who you are to belong.
~ You are free to be who you were created to be.
~ So be wonderfully you!

The Story Behind the Story…

In Becky’s earliest memories her parents were busy caring for her baby sister and the medical needs of her older sister. So Becky tried to be helpful, but instead, she got in trouble for making mistakes. Becky’s insatiable curiosity and fierce determination earned her the label of “strong-willed child.” When her voice was harshly silenced, Becky became fearful and quietly began to write, filling countless journals over the years…

Born Different

Becky’s husband, Duane, and their younger daughter have the same syndrome as the main character in the book and movie Wonder. Becky wanted a book that could be used in schools, but for a younger audience. She searched for children’s books featuring children who have facial differences and wear Bone Anchored Hearing Aids (BAHA). Unable to find any such books, Becky’s husband Duane, encouraged her to create the solution, by writing children’s books to share the stories of their family and friends. 

In 2020 the Zingale family was featured on the Born Different show. With over 1.5 million views, the Zingale’s realized their story impacts a bigger audience than just those who have facial differences and hearing aids. This inspired Becky to begin writing children’s book featuring characters who are wonderfully different, not only for her own daughters, but so all children can see themselves represented in a story – whether they connect with a character’s personal challenges, physical appearance, interests, or personality.

Becky is finding her voice, and this time, she will not be silenced…

After becoming a published author with Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me, Becky grew in confidence, as she began discovering and becoming who she was created to be. Becky’s first book has sold over 1500 copies to families and teachers across the country, many of whom have incorporated it into their curriculum, and said Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me is their child’s favorite book! 

As a Super Sibling herself, Becky was honored to help her daughter, Chloe, feel seen and heard as Chloe wrote her story about Becoming A Super Sibling.

In simple language that is easy for kids to understand, Chloe explains…
Facial Differences, Cleft Palate, Hearing Loss, BAHA/Ponto Hearing Aids,
and of course, the ways she helps her sister! 

This heartwarming story offers hope and inspiration for families dealing with a challenging diagnosis and for those who want to lend their support.

Now in Compassionate Friends, Becky rewrote situations from her life story, to be filled with the messages of compassion she needed to hear and the affirmations she is learning to say to herself and her children. 

Compassionate Friends provides a model of how to show
kindness and compassion toward ourselves and others.

Becky wants all children to experience love, acceptance,
and freedom to be who they were created to be! 

Coming Soon! “Compassionate Friends” will be available for pre-order with special early-bird pricing for the first 48 hours.

Go to our ​kickstarter​ and click “Notify Me on Launch”
so you don’t miss out on this opportunity to get all 3 of our books at the lowest prices ever!

You’ll be notified when our kickstarter goes live on March 21st,
and then you can choose a reward you love and hit the green “Pledge” button.

Kickstarter will take your information, but no money will be charged until the successful completion of this campaign.

The post Compassionate Friends! appeared first on The Baha Mama.

I froze in my tracks and turned to face the woman who was speaking.

“My daughter has Treacher Collins Syndrome too!” I said, surprised to meet someone who had heard of such a rare facial syndrome. 

My daughter’s theatre group had just finished their first performance. She plays the part of a nameless orphan in the background of “Annie.” But even in the midst of children in drab outfits, my daughter stands out, with her facial differences and hearing aids. 

Today, those differences caught the attention of a Grandma, who was so encouraged to see my daughter on stage, having fun with her friends, feeling free to be herself, loving life and full of joy. Moments like this make this Mama’s heart so happy!

My daughter is the reason…

I opened my Etsy shop, The Baha Bowtique, making headbands and accessories for Baha/Ponto. She is also why I started writing children’s books featuring characters who are Wonderfully Different. I was inspired by my husband’s confidence, in spite of his challenges, growing up with facial differences and hearing aids, and I wanted our own children (and yours) grow in confidence too!

Grow in Confidence and Compassion with Wonderfully Me books!

As a parent, I wrote “Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me,” not only for my own daughters, but so all children can see themselves represented in a story, whether they connect with a character’s personal challenges, physical appearance, interests, or personality. 

“Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me” is the children’s book that belongs in every household and classroom, to promote inclusion, acceptance and friendship. If you are a parent, teacher, or medical professional assisting a child who feels a bit different, “Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me” will inspire and encourage your children to find what they have in common with others and to celebrate what makes them, and others, wonderfully unique.

“Becoming a Super Sibling” is written from the perspective of big sister Chloe. In simple language that is easy for kids to understand, Chloe explains… Facial Differences, Cleft Palate, Hearing Loss, BAHA/Ponto Hearing Aids, and of course, the ways she helps her sister! This heartwarming story offers hope and inspiration for families dealing with a challenging diagnosis—and for those who want to lend their support.

Children grow in confidence and compassion when they see themselves, and their friends in the story, and not just their differences represented, but the beautiful things about who they are and who they can become. 

Wonderfully Me Books are a great gift for your children, classmates, parents, grandparents, teachers, medical professionals or anyone working with kids who are wonderfully different. This series can be used in homes, churches, schools, childcare centers, and waiting rooms to start conversations which promote inclusion, acceptance, and friendship. 

Resources, information, and hardcover books are available at: 
WonderfullyMeBooks.com or TheBahaBowtique.etsy.com
Follow on social media @OurWonderFamily (FaceBook, Instagram, YouTube)

The post Why do I do what I do? appeared first on The Baha Mama.

Not only is fresh food a better quality and better for your dogs health, it’s also shipped to your door! Though a simple on-line subscription which is easy to manage, choose your shipping date, or cancel at any time. The food is shipped frozen, in an insulated box with dry ice. We store it in the freezer and then move a few pouches to the fridge to thaw, before feeding to our dogs.

We’d been using Farmer’s Dog for years, and our dog loves his fresh food. A 2 week supply comes in 28 pre-packaged pouches, and our big dog eats 1 pouch at breakfast and another 1 pouch at dinner. While a smaller dog would eat half a pouch per meal.

We decided to try some other popular brands to see how they compare…

The Pets Table – Get a 75% off trial box for your dog!

Dog food from The Pet’s Table looks exactly the same as The Farmer’s Dog. However it does come in bigger pouches, so there’s less packaging / trash. So instead of getting 28 pouches, I get just 14 pouches every 2 weeks of The Pet’s Table. I’m not sure that the Pet’s Table packages are twice the size of The Farmer’s Dog, none-the-less the instructions say to use half a pouch at breakfast and the other half at dinner. Thankfully both Farmer’s Dog and The Pet’s Table send a free container to easily store dog food in the fridge between meals.

The Pets Table also has the option of air-dried food which is more convenient when traveling… but I haven’t tried that yet.

Ollie – Get 70% off your First Box of fresh dog food!

Dog food from Ollie comes with a free container to store extra food and a scoop. The food itself looks the same as The Farmer’s Dog and The Pet’s Table, but Ollie mixes it up a bit with different shaped packaging. My husband prefers this packaging since Ollie’s food doesn’t get stuck in the corners like it does with pouches from The Farmer’s Dog and The Pet’s Table. To me, it looks like Ollie’s thicker pouches contain more food than The Pet’s Table, even though both companies send 14 pouches in their 2 week supply of dog food. Ollie’s appears to be a larger quantity, and a slightly lower price than The Pet’s Table.

Here’s a picture of the mini-freezer in our camper stocked with 12 pouches of food from from Ollie on the top shelf and 12-13 from The Pet’s Table on the lower shelf. Ollie’s food stacks better and the stacks are less likely to fall over, but The Pet’s Table is packaged thinner so it thaws a bit faster, and the Farmer’s Dog is even thinner.

Spot & Tango

Their website has a easy set up with subscriptions for multiple dogs. So we got to try Fresh (frozen) food as well as un-kibble, which is travel-friendly, but looks like brown cheese-puffs. However a 2 week supply of fresh food cost more than the other brands and it was not enough food to last 2 weeks… So I canceled my subscription. But then I was sent a coupon for 40% off to re-activate my subscription. That is worthwhile!! However, I was charged for the discounted shipment, as well as a duplicate full price order to be shipped on the same day!! You’d think when you reactivate they’d just charge for 1 shipment and schedule the next one for 2 weeks later, but nope!! So I re-canceled that subscription fast… but then they sent another discount to re-active, so that’s tempting…

I’ll be trying more fresh foods for our dog, so be sure to check back to read about those…

In the meantime, you can try fresh food for your dog with these great discounts, because who doesn’t love a FREE box of dog food?

Plus when you use our link to order your FREE box of dog food, our fur-ball gets a discount on future orders of his dog food. So help us out by ordering your FREE box of food for your dog. Did I mention, it’s FREE! So you have nothing to loose, and your dog will love you for it… and our dog will love you too!

updated to add: apparently there FREE food is not 100% FREE, it’s actually 70%-75% FREE

Get 75% off trial box from The Pet’s Table

The Pet’s Table is my favorite option because the website very clearly shows all the info about my up-coming orders (date, food items, and cost) and is easy to make changes, as the one who manages the dog food orders. Also easy to switch between fresh or air-dried food or get 1/2 of each.

Use my link to get 75% off your first trail box from the Pets Table and if you keep your subscription, you get 10% off the next 2 boxes!

Get 70% off your First Box from Ollie

Ollie is my husband’s favorite, because he likes the way it’s packaged, and he is the one who feeds the dogs…

Comment below and let me know: what is your dog’s favorite fresh food?

I also have some codes for FREE food from The Pet’s Table

The fine print says $100 off the first box and $20 off the second. Comment below and let me know if you use a code, so I can delete it.
FRB- BT03BA0W4
FRB – BTO33DAFC
FRB – BTOLSSPOG

The post Free dog food? Yes please! appeared first on The Baha Mama.

Basically I’m thirty-sixteen years old… 

Recently, I was shopping for butterfly headbands, cuz butterflies are my favorite. Somehow that turned into buying several chicken headbands, because I have a small obsession with chickens. My favorite headband has chickens and sunflowers, even though it doesn’t match anything I normally wear.

Last year, Duane gave me flower lego sets for Valentines (roses), Easter (tulips), and Mother’s Day (sunflowers). My favorite is the sunflowers.

A year ago, Ariasha found me in the garage picking seeds off an old sunflower, and asked, “let me get this straight, your friend grew sunflowers, and she gave you a dead one?” Yep, a sunflower head full of seeds to feed to our chickens. I also used those seeds to grow more sunflowers, because I like sunflowers.

When Duane and I were engaged, I was in a ladies Bible study group. They gave me some wedding gifts and a bouquet of wildflowers, including mini-sunflowers. These ladies who I had just met, thought giving me wildflowers seemed more fitting, then traditional flowers. I never would have thought of that, but 12 years later, I still remember that unique, wild beautiful bouquet, and I like it.

In the town where I grew up, every few years, as part of crop-rotation, local farmers would plant a whole field of sunflowers. It was beautiful! My high school senior photos were taken in one of those fields of sunflowers. 

Goggle says that Sunflowers symbolize: coming alive, warmth, restoration, resurrection, radiate happiness, and look on the bright side of things. A group of sunflowers symbolize loyalty (like a fiercely loyal enneagram six). Yep, sunflowers are the perfect favorite flower for me, especially in this season I am in.

The post I officially have a favorite flower!  appeared first on The Baha Mama.

Acton Academy starts at age 4 years and 9 months (K4). The Sparks Studio is K4-1st grade in a Montessori-style classroom – lots of hands on learning with plenty of time outdoors. My 6 year old loves it. Along with learning letters, numbers, etc. She is learning to take responsibility, leadership skills, becoming more confident, getting better at communication and managing emotions. Instead of getting angry when she doesn’t get her way, she now says cute things like, “Mom, when you don’t let me eat ice cream, it’s hurts my feelings.” 

Our 8 year old daughter has attended Acton for 3 years and is currently in the Adventure Studio (2nd-5th). We have seen her grow so much! She is thriving in this collaborative learning environment, interacting with her peers while participating in student-led learning, hands on projects, socratic discussions, and group quests. The studio is run mostly by the learners themselves, as they take responsibility for their own education, challenge each other to do their best work, and hold each other accountable to clearly established guidelines.

Why I love Acton…

• I want my children to love learning and enjoy the process, not just check boxes to get it done. 
• I want practical, hands-on projects, rather than artificial scenarios and worksheets.
• I want learning to be fun. Learning through play with lots of time outdoors in the fresh air and sunshine, exploring and enjoying the wonders of creation.
• I want a positive, encouraging atmosphere, surrounded by people who complement their strengths, while working on their weak areas without that being the primary focus.
• I do NOT want my children to be told WHAT to think, but rather to learn HOW to think for themselves.
• I want my children to learn to take responsibility for own choices. 
• I want my children to learn teamwork and to hold themselves and others accountable.
• I want them to learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy way, and to be able to respectfully disagree and still be friends with people who think differently than they do. 
• I want to raise children who are strong and resilient, not drama-creators. 
• I want them to be leaders, innovators, inventors, and creative problem solvers.
• I do NOT want my children to learn how to fit in, how to conform to the norm, or fulfill the status quo. I want them to be confident in who they are and to stand out because of their strengths and talents and gifts. 

The post Why Acton Academy? appeared first on The Baha Mama.

Thank you!

The lady continued, asking, “what is her name?” …and… “oh, that’s so beautiful.”

I was having a lovely moment, appreciating the friendly reminder that most people think my daughter is adorable…

Because recently, I overheard the little boy say to his older sister, “that girl looks scary.” The children were maybe 4-8 years old. Their mom was right next to them, but busy on her phone. The boy said it a couple times, as his sister tried to hush him. I looked around to see who he was talking about. Then I realized he was looking at my daughter.

I realized this is a good teaching moment, although I’m not sure what to say to some random child, while his own parent was completely absorbed typing on her phone. Probably better that way. I would have felt bad if the mom was embarrassed and forced her son to apologize and turned it into a big awkward ordeal.

So I asked the little boy, “this girl?” Pointing to my daughter. 

The boy looked at me nervously, “yeah. She’s scary.” His big sister tried to hush him again.

I took a deep breath, and launched in, “she does not have cheek bones,” I explained, tapping my own cheeks, “so her face looks a bit different.” The boy shrugged and turned away, giving into his sister’s pleas and ducking behind his mom, ending our awkward conversation.

I’m not concerned about the opinion of one scared little boy,

because I know my daughter is super cute, and I believe that the majority of people agree with me. And it was lovely to have my opinion confirmed by this random lady at church today.

…But then she ruined my blissful moment with her next question,

“can I pray for her?”

Yep. That question. Again. We are at church after all. I do appreciate prayer, especially when my daughter was a baby and life was hard. But now she’s a perfectly happy, healthy little girl. So I was caught off guard and thinking, “why are you asking to pray for her?”

A million thoughts swirled through my head: What are you planning on asking God to do? For her to grow cheek bones? Or be able to hear? Do you even know those things on her headband are hearing aids? And she can hear great with them. Her Dad has TCS and hearing aids too, and he turned out just fine. He’s also been prayed for a billion times, but still hasn’t grown ears.

How many people are going to feel drawn to pray for my child just because she looks different?

Is my daughter going to feel loved and encouraged by all the prayers?

Or will she become annoyed by the attention, or disillusioned in her faith because she still hasn’t grown cheek bones?

Or will she start asking, “why doesn’t everyone just love me the way that I am? Why do they think I need cheek bones? Am I not good enough?”

My questions are rooted in my own childhood…

*read the following section with a hint a teenage sarcasm*

Growing up, my sister Hannah, was in a wheelchair. Our family lived on a Bible College campus, where my parents were on staff, so praying for Hannah was the trendy thing to do. We spent our entire childhood, hearing over and over, “can I pray for you?” And it just gets old. 

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate prayer. I believe in the power of prayer. I have seen miracles. But as teenager, the whole, “lets pray for her again!” It gets annoying. 

One night at youth group, when Hannah was about 16 years old, a friend said, “lets pray for Hannah!” And I was thinking, “wow, so original” (I warned you about the sarcasm) “Here we go again.”

All the teens gathered around, praying heart-felt prayers. I prayed silently. I am pretty sure I have never told to anyone the incredibly faith-filled words I prayed that evening, something to the effect of, “God I am done. This is the last time I’m praying for her. You said in the Bible, that we could lay hands on people and see them be healed. So if you’re ever going to heal her, now would be a good time to do it. Cuz I am done.”  

That night at youth group, Hannah got out of her wheel chair and walked. 

When it came time to go home, everyone stayed, waited and watched as my mom arrived to pick us up. Mom opened the door, watching in shock as Hannah walked across the room to her. 

It was a powerful moment for everyone.

But I felt like a spectator, watching the events unfold around me. Maybe I was still in a bit of shock… I was not expecting today to be any different than the other million times we had prayed for Hannah.

In hindsight, that was a defining moment. 

I cannot fathom how different my life would be if God had NOT healed my sister that day. Thinking back, I wonder, if things had gone differently, where would I be today? What would I believe? Who would I have become? I don’t even know. I have never actually thought about that until writing it just now. This is the first time that I am fully aware of what a defining moment that event was for me. 

10+ years later, I fell in love with Duane.

Even though he looks “different” and a 50% chance our child would have facial differences, I was ok with that, thinking, “been there, done that. It’s no big deal.” Although that response changed, when our 2nd daughter actually was diagnosed with TCS. That hurt. Looking at my first-born daughter, thinking, “I’m sorry honey, this is not the childhood I would have chosen for you.” I was ok with the idea of being the mom to a child who had TCS, but it had not occurred to me that child might have a sibling, who did not have a choice in the matter.

Fortunately Big Sis enjoys all the cool toys they have in hospital waiting rooms, and says all the time, “my sister is so cute! I just love her!” Although Big Sis is jealous of Little Sister’s super cool hearing aids.

Fast-forward to now…

My little daughter’s 4th birthday, coinciding with the weekend when the local Bible College is back in session. The students are eager to pray for people, so a random lady at church asks, “can I pray for her?”

I know this will NOT be the last time we hear that question. I should probably figure out how to respond…

I suppose the question, “may I pray for her?” could be a roundabout way of asking for an explanation of TCS / hearing loss. As well as an opportunity for me to share specific prayer requests. My thought is to respond in such a way as to imply, “she’s a normal kid, and needs the same things any other child would.” Some sort of response which helps people realize we do not have any major concerns, so please do not feel “burdened” to “travail” in prayer for her.

I got some ideas from other Mamas of kids have facial differences and/or hearing loss:

“Come up with specific things your family wants prayers for – stuff like acceptance from others, being God’s light in the world, making new friends, help making some sort of goal she has set, or even if she is getting over a cold.” – Jenn Snow 

“Often people don’t know how to help, so they offer prayers. We appreciate these gestures because it means there is one more person praying for our son. We don’t pray for healing. We pray that he will love himself and know he is loved, that he will make friends easily, and that we make the best decisions for him. We have seen miracle after miracle in his little life, so we’re thankful for the prayers, even from strangers.” – Tara Glandon 

“Pray that he loves himself and feels the love we have for him, and that God has for him. Pray that people will be kind. Pray that the school system does not limit him. Pray that his surgeries go well, when he has them. And pray for me. Pray that I have an outlet for stress that’s healthy. Pray that I show him how to love the Lord with all his heart. Pray that I win the lotto so staying home with him isn’t so hard. (Joking.. not joking). Pray that I can appreciate the time I have at home with my boys. Pray for his brother. That he is strong, protective, independent, and loving. He’s already those things, but more can’t hurt. Pray for my husband. He supports us all on his own now. That’s no easy thing these days. Pray for faith and strength. Please don’t bother praying for him to get better. He is well and thriving. He is not sickly. He runs, plays, throws toys at his brother, and speaks 2 languages. (Sign Language and English) he also understands everything you say. So don’t act like something is wrong with him. He’s wonderful.” – Jennifer Spiegelberg

Thanks to those ideas, my prayer request would be:

For my daughter, please pray: that people will be kind. That they will see the beauty in her, and love her for who she is. That she will know she is loved and know she is beautiful. Pray that she would make friend easily have true friendship, not out of pity or obligation. Pray that she would continue to be a brave, bold little girl and to conquer any challenges which come up, and that she would inspire others to never give up. Pray that her life and our family would be a light and encouragement to other families.

The post That Question. Again… appeared first on The Baha Mama.

I have heard stories of that moment when a child asks about their own little ears or wonders, “why do I have a hearing aid?”

I have been waiting to see if my own daughter will even needs to ask. Our family is unique in that my husband and our 2nd daughter have BAHAs. Also I make and sell softbands for children who wear BAHAs. Whenever anyone asks what my job is, that leads to explaining how the Baha works and showing them my husband’s Baha on the abutment, and then explaining how my daughter’s softband holds her Pontos.

Softbands and hearing aids are everyday topic of conversation in our home, as our world seems to revolve around BAHA’s. So much so, that Big Sister is jealous because she only has headbands but no hearing aid. 

So I’ve wondered, will my daughter someday realize she’s “different,” or does she already know? But as it turns out, she wants to know: why is my Mama different?

This past weekend, we went out for Dinner and Ice Cream for Dada’s birthday. Afterwards, we sat on the grassy yard by the restaurant, letting the kids run off all that sugar. PipSqueak took a break to sit next to me. Looking at me thoughtfully, she began to ask…

“Mama, when you was a kid, do you has a headban?” 

“yeah,” I answered, “I wore headbands sometimes. just like I do now.”

PipSqueak tapped her Pontos, “wis 2 hearing aids like me?”

“No, honey I’ve never had hearing aids.”

PipSqueak looked confused, “Oh. But how is you hearing?”

“Um. I hear through my ears,” I explained, “I have ear drums, so I don’t need a Baha hearing aid.”

PipSqueak looked at me like I’m crazy, hearing through the ears, without a hearing aid? That’s unheard of! She looked over at Dada, “Dada has a hearing aid and no headban. Did Dada hab a headban when he was a kid?”

Dada joined the conversation, “I didn’t have a headband, I had a backpack.”

When Dada was kid, his hearing aid was so big, he wore it like a backwards backpack on his belly. Fortunately, technology has come a long way, and now kids get to wear a little tiny hearing aid on a cute softband, which is much nicer looking then Dada’s “backpack” hearing aid. 

So there we have it folks, my daughter has noticed that Mama is different, and thinks it’s a bit strange that I do not have a hearing aid.

The post Well, that’s different… appeared first on The Baha Mama.

146 comments. Everything from people making a pun about ears, to angry parents whose children who born without an ear. You can read all the comments here: https://www.facebook.com/260234427427165/posts/2296682540449000

My husband has 2 prosthetic ears

Actually he has 4 prosthetic ears, but the one pair is super old and needed replaced because the color was faded the magnets were falling out. He only wears the new pair, because 2 ears looks better than 4. His ears look just like the one in the picture. I mean, not exactly, his are a different shape. Designed after his dad’s ears, because I guess his dad has good looking ears. Can’t say I’ve noticed his dad’s ears. I just know what my husband’s ears look like, because I see them laying on the nightstand, or I get to hold them (and his glasses and hearing aid) when he randomly decides to jump in the lake.

Our Daughter’s Ears

When I was pregnant with our first baby, I asked the ultrasound tech, “does she have cheek bones and ears?” The Tech responded, “yes, and finger and toes.”

“Um I know she has fingers and toes, but my husband, her dad, doesn’t have cheek bones or ears, so can you check and see if she does?”

Then when our daughter was born, my husband said, “she has my ears!” I responded, “what on earth? She actually has ears. Do you mean she has your dad’s ears? Cuz you don’t even know what your ears are supposed to look like.” He answered something to the effect of, “she has my ears, that’s why I don’t have any ears.” Isn’t it so kind of him to give his ears to his daughter?

Duane’s Childhood

Growing up, Duane was friends with the bullies, and the cool kids thought he was cool too. Everyone loved him! Why? He had a great sense of humor.

Duane says that everyone gets teased about something, but he had an advantage, because he knew what kids would tease him about (ears/face/hearing aid) and already had a great come-back ready to go. Someone would make a pun, he would respond with a better pun. He would defuse a bully situation by making fun of himself, which made the bully feel uncomfortable and he didn’t know how to respond after that.

Kids don’t know how to act / respond when they see someone who looks different, it’s intimidating. They’ve been taught not to stare. Not to ask questions. So what does that leave? Nothing except to whisper behind their back. That back-fires because people who have prosthetic ears, usually have Bone Anchored Hearing Aids, which work very well. So Duane could take his ears off and still hear better than I can. In fact sometimes, when our kids are whining, he takes his ears off and says, “I can’t hear you.” They respond, “yes you can hear me, Dady, you still have your Baha on!!”

Our response to the FB post

All that leads up to: our response to the previously mentioned post on facebook, people’s comments, and the comments on the comments, and people freaking out about the comments.

Yes. Prosthetic ears are super expensive. No, they do not have serial numbers (but they should, that’s a great idea!).

On one hand, some of the comments are rude and immature. It’s no wonder kids are bullies, they learned it from their parents (the ones who are making mean comments on FB). On the flip side, I’m not surprised when kids who have microtia etc are insecure about their appearance, or get angry when people make comments. They learn that from their parents too.

So please, think about how you respond to comments and stares. Teach your kids to be comfortable and confident in who they are, and learn to have a sense of humor.

And maybe come up with some great puns of your own and practice some responses to defuse the bully situation. Example: I once met a guy who has a crazy looking scar. He says he got bit by a shark. Kid’s eyes get huge. He tells a great story. Then he says, “just kidding, here’s what really happened…” When you are totally comfortable talking about the elephant in the room, that greatly reduces the tension in the air.

Be the one to start the conversation

Usually if I see kids staring, I ask them, “have you seen the movie: Wonder? Duane has the same syndrome as Auggie (the main character)” Thus far, every time, the response is, “no way, that’s so cool!” Personally I wouldn’t say TCS is cool, but it is cool that they think it’s cool. Thank God for “Wonder” and it’s perfect timing, coming out just after the birth of our second daughter, who has TCS, just like her Dada (and Auggie). She is missing a bit of her cheek-bones. When I was pregnant with her, we made sure to pray for ears, at the timing that her ears were growing, and she does have cute little ears (very mild microtia). But we forgot to ask for an ear-drum, so she still needs hearing aids just like her Dada. And I’m learning to be more specific and detailed with prayer requests.

Someday, when the right person asks about my daughter’s hearing aid. I’m going to tell them it’s a child-training tool, and if she mis-behaves, I can shock her… but I don’t want to freak people out. So I’m pretty boring and usually just say “it’s a hearing aid.” Although I have been asked if it’s a bluetooth device. Why on earth would my toddler need that?! She does not have a cell phone yet. But my husband’s Baha does have bluetooth built in, so he really does use it to stream phone calls directly into his head…so “bluetooth” device is a pretty good guess…

Now you’re probably wondering, if Duane can hear without ears, and is totally comfortable making fun of himself, why did he choose to get prosthetic ears? Well, he needed something to hold his glasses on. $10,000, his glasses are looking great. Unless he puts a child on his shoulders, then ears, glasses, hearing aid, it all falls off, like Mr Potato Head….

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My 5 year old daughter not only discovered these miss-matched utensils, she also LOVES them. Really kid? Why? Add that to the list of odd things daughter does.

Because I have a kid who is like me

When I was a child, we had a color-coded system. Life was simple and predictable. My sister always had the yellow cup, and I had the red cup. Then one day, she wanted the red cup, so mom gave it to her. “What on earth? Why did you give her my cup?” Mom said she could not remember whose cup was whose, and it did not really matter anyway, because both cups belonged to our whole family and anyone could use either cup.

My world was shattered. What do you mean, “it does not matter? How will I know which cup I have been drinking out of that day, if we keep switching colors back and forth?”

Our family needed more than 2 cups anyway, so my little sister could graduate to real cups. So to end the feud, my mom bought a whole set of plastic cups. Now there were 2 yellows, and 3 reds, and various other colors.

With so many color options, how I am supposed to remember which color cup I was drinking out of today?

Fortunately, there was only one purple cup. I decided to only use that cup, and let my sisters have all the other ones. But because I always wanted the purple cup, both of my sisters decided it must be better than the rest, so now all three of us were fighting over the one purple cup. My poor parents!

Fast forward several years.

Gone were the days of plastic cups. Now we all drank out of glasses. My mom had a very nice set of glasses, and a few odd ones which didn’t match. So again, I chose a one-of-a-kind miss-matched glass as my own. I could leave “my” glass anywhere in the house and return to it later, knowing, “this is mine.” Occasionally someone else would try to use my glass. I’d scold them saying, “hey, that was mine. I was drinking out of the cup.” They’d argue with me, claiming they left their cup on the table, mine must be the one on the counter. I would argue back, that I only use the cup with that pattern so I am 100% sure that is my cup. And again, my parents would get so frustrated with me saying that I do not “own” exclusive rights to one particular cup. Fine, she can have that glass today, but my germs are on it.

How did this translate into real life as an adult?

I bough a water bottle and I take it everywhere with me. I always know it is mine. And no one else tries to claim it, because that’s not how life works when it comes to water bottles. My childhood would have been so much easier if I had discovered water bottles sooner.

But at home, I do drink out of a glass. We have a conglomeration of different glasses and mason jars of various sizes. I did not have a preference of which type I use. However I narrowed it down to, there’s only 3 of this style/shape, and my husband does not like them. So I made those odd ones “mine” and hid them in a different cupboard. That way when we have guests over, they use the normal glasses. So again, I can leave my mason jar anywhere and return to it, knowing it is mine.

I implemented a color-coded system

For plates and bowls, we have colorful Fiesta-ware dishes. We started with green and blue, since those are Duane and my favorite colors. We added in some purple, which was perfect since that became the favorite color of our first-born child. Before she knew her colors, or even ate off the glass plates, she would point to the blue plate and say, “that’s Mama’s” and point to purple saying, “that’s mine.” We also had some orange dishes, which our daughter called, “Zach’s.” Because at the time, Zach lived in a yurt in our back yard, and process of elimination concluded that orange must be his color.

I had a dream that our 2nd child’s favorite color was orange. So we assigned that color to her. And to this day, orange is her favorite color. Probably because we always fed her from orange plates and bowls. So she quickly learned, “when Mama puts food on the orange plate, I get to eat!” So she loves orange.

For the most part, my children have followed my color-coded system. This way, if anyone leaves a plate of food unattended, I know exactly who did not finish eating their lunch.

Other days, I am annoyed by children fighting over who gets what color. We have a system here! Do not mess it up! Blue (and sometimes purple) is mine. Green (and sometimes orange) is Dada’s. Big Sis gets her favorite colors: “purple, pink, blue, and all the colors of the rainbow, just the beautiful ones, but none of the boring ones.” Little Sis gets orange, or yellow or green, since sometimes orange is not an option. The color peach, creates a big problem, is it pink or orange?

Then, there is that mismatched fork and spoon.

Which my firstborn loves, and insists on using at every meal.

She and I both have a way of finding and loving the ones who are different, unique, unusual, maybe a bit odd and quirky. Which could be why I fell in love with Duane. So it is a good thing Big Sis and I are the ones who love uniqueness, since Dada and Little Sis are a bit different. Fortunately, we always know who they belong to.

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The day I realize my daughter are I are alike.

A year and half ago we visited a local Homeschool Group. At the time, my oldest daughter was almost 4 years old. The children in the class we visited were ages 5-7, so she seemed significantly younger. During art class, we learned about Monet and Impressionist Painting. The tutor asked us parents to “help your kids with their brush strokes.” I took “help your kid” a little too seriously. So out of all the kids in that class, we had the best painting.  Because all the other parents actually allowed their children to do their own art project, because the children are the students. But I confess, I did have a lot of fun “helping” my child with her painting.

Later, at home, my daughter flipped the painting over, and used her crayons to draw the same picture (in reverse) on the back side of her paper.

Suddenly, I remembered myself as a child.

My childhood homeschool co-op, which met once a week, included Art Class. Every week, after class, I would go home and spend the rest of the day practicing whatever art technique I had just learned. I did not run to show my parents “look what I drew!” Because I was too old to do that. I also believed I was not any good at art. So I tucked my pictures away in a notebook somewhere. And forgot all about them.

Until years later, when I watched my daughter do the exact same thing.

I realized, my daughter loves art! And I used to love art too!

But I thought I was bad at it. So why would I love something which I am not good at doing?

Right after that, I heard about a workshop called, “Unlocked Creativity.” So I went. I had so much fun being free to be creative, without the pressure to produce a perfect master piece. Overall, I was surprised by the fun things I was able to create.

I bought art supplies, for my little art-loving child…and for myself.

While I was at the craft store, there was another mom also looking at colored pencils. She mentioned getting more supplies for her daughter, who is an artist.

I was thinking, “No way? Your kid is an Artist! That is so cool!” Then I realized, her child was probably not a famous, professional artist. Probably just a normal kid who loves art. But I suppose, loving art and doing art is what makes a person an Artist. That would mean, I could also call my art-loving daughter an artist.

What is a parent supposed to do with all this art-work?

Fortunately, my little engineer likes to disassemble things. So any artwork from preschool or church is demolished on the car ride home. She also loves using scissors. Usually once she has filled a coloring book, I let her cut out pictures. Once the book is completely destroyed, I can throw it all in the garbage.

Usually, I have to work hard to preserve my favorite pieces of her art work.

A couple days ago, I got a pad of colorful construction paper for my daughter. Apparently she has no idea that you’re supposed to pull the individual pages out of the pad. So she has been using it like a blank coloring book, carefully turning the pages.

Then she announced, “Mom, you know the book of colorful papers? Well, I drew a picture on every single page. It is completely full” I was expecting her to ask for scissors, next. Instead she said, “I made a coloring book. Now I am ready to sell it!”

Haha. Oh my! She is 100% our kid!

So I asked my little artist, “do you want to be Coloring Book Designer?” I stopped myself from adding “when you grow up?” Because, why wait? She is already an artist and clearly she in convinced she can also be an entrepreneur right now. Which is awesome!

Various times when she has requested, “can you buy (this crazy item) for me?” I have respond, “Someday when you grow up, you can get a job and make money and buy whatever you would like.” (and hopefully have the wisdom to not waste your money on that crazy item). Obviously she has been watching Mama and Dada make things to sell. So she is thinking, why “wait till I grow up and get a job?” (what is a job anyway?), I can make stuff to sell right now!

My five year old artist, is ready to become an entrepreneur.

What do I do now?

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